Behind the Lipsense

Behind this Lipsense-covered smile is a girl suffering from low self-esteem and depression.

Behind the makeup-laden eyes is a girl who cries every night wondering why she is not good enough.

Behind closed doors is a girl who is dying inside: a girl who needs the appreciation and love of her husband. A girl who needs to be told she is beautiful and no other girl compares to her.

In the bedroom, she sits alone. She closes out the world. She wishes she could turn back time and reverse the wrinkles, stretch marks, and white hairs.

She wishes she could be carefree once more. She wishes she could be someone that somebody could look up to. She wishes that she could be a better parent.

She has big dreams, but doesn’t have the drive to make them happen.

All she sees is her imperfections. No matter how hard she works or pretties herself up, she is never good enough.

College degrees don’t mean a thing. A pound lost is nothing to her. A new dress, even if it compliments her complexion also cannot change her thoughts.

I am the girl that always doubts herself. The girl that always compares herself to other girls.

To feel lonely when you are alone is one thing, but to feel lonely when you are married is another. It’s on another level. It is a feeling that you just cannot overcome. You feel like you are unworthy of being loved.

You may not see all of this by looking at me, but this is what I feel on a daily basis. I look in the mirror and see nothing but imperfections. I am imperfect. I struggle with my self-image and feelings. One day I hope to rise above all of this self-hate. One day, I hope to forget that I ever felt this way about myself. One day will happen… I hope sooner than later.