The Sea Stole You From Us

Four months have passed since the day that you two were found at Golsovia. I remember the day all too clearly. I was helping my mother-in-law plant her garden when I got a phone call saying that several search-and-rescue crews were heading down the coast to look for you. Even surrounding villages gathered crews to help out.

We kept telling ourselves that you parked your boat next to land to wait out the storm. We even thought you two were trying to walk back to town… that maybe the motor broke down. There was nothing that could stop our worrying. We knew that if anyone was a master of the sea, it was you. How could the sea take you away from us? We thought it was impossible, but I guess it could happen to anyone.

When search-and-rescue brought your body home, I felt like we had been punched in the stomach. I couldn’t believe it. We all cried for weeks on end. I am sorry I don’t visit your grave. It just hurts too much. I will make my way over there before snow falls.

It has been four months, but the tears still flow like a waterfall. Memories seep from the back of my mind. I keep going to gram’s house with hopes that you will be sitting in your same spot at the far end of the couch. You would jump right up and come and grab Cassidy from my arms and offer her a lollipop or some other treat. Now, she is starting to forget you, and it makes me sad. I show her a picture of you and tell her, “There’s Uncle Peter” with hopes to keep you in her memories.

Gram is so strong. She still mentions you a lot. When Cassidy and I visit her she tells me, “Peter would have washed her face,” because she always has a dirty face. My mom started cooking breakfast. I remember it was always you making breakfast. Guess somebody has to take over that duty.  

No matter how long it has been, the pain still lingers. I keep kicking myself in the butt for not spending time with you. I keep asking myself, “Why didn’t you just stay and watch that video he wanted to show you?” “Why didn’t you stake him at bingo?” “Why didn’t you share more cinnamon rolls with Uncle Peter?” “Why didn’t you buy a steak when he offered to cook it?”

Why did God have to take you? Why didn’t we get the chance to say goodbye? You were still so young and your grandchildren hardly got to know you. I am sure Rachel and Tami will teach them what you taught them, but it will not be the same. They needed you. I need you.

I have not been out the ocean since it took you from us. For weeks it was hard to even look at it. Reuben wanted to go down to Golsovia to moose hunt since we were not having luck here, but I just could not do it. Hopefully by next spring, I will forgive the ocean. One day I will make peace with it and will visit Golsovia. Living by the ocean is tough because it never fails to remind me how we lost you. 

My throat hurts as I type this. It is a different type of pain: a heartbreak that I have never felt before. I am tired of crying for you. I pray that one day we will meet again. I pray that you are watching over your kids and grandkids daily. Save us all a spot in Heaven and give our family hugs for us.

P.S. I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you. I do love you and always will. Thank you for being a part of my life.