Moments of immense struggle and hatred for oneself. You feel
like your heart is going to crush physically right inside your chest. You can’t
see the pressure, but you feel your heart falling down into your stomach. You want to throw up. Thoughts keep racing in your head: all negative. The negatives add up and the
guilt builds up. You can’t take your mind off these negative thoughts. They eat
away at any positivity that you may have in your life or experienced even
recently.
The build-up makes you anxious and you begin to hate
yourself. You don’t want to stay on Earth. You don’t know when you will come
out of this. Ending it all comes to your mind. You think the world would be a
better place if you were not around. These feelings can be short-lived or
everyday thoughts. If you have not experienced this, you cannot fully understand
those who suffer with depression or contemplate suicide.
I experience this; not on the daily, but here and there. I battle with depression and anxiety especially recently after so many deaths of friends and family. It has been a tough few years.
Recently, I
have found a way to cope. When I feel these terrible, horrendous feelings, I
turn on my Itunes to Lauren Daigle and listen to her song, “You Say” over and
over and over until I come out of it. The song is a good reminder that God
loves you and says that you are enough. Regardless of your mistakes, you are
loved by God. You have been brought to this Earth for a reason. Even if you do
not know your reason, you are here. I encourage anyone who battles depression
to speak to their loved ones or to reach out to a counselor.
Figure out what makes your heart happy. Think of all of your
loved ones and your impact on their lives. Do the things that you love. If you enjoy writing, WRITE. If you love music, turn on the music. Bake something. Watch your favorite comedy. Call up a good friend. Go fishing. Paint a picture. Remember that God loves you. You
will overcome those feelings. Be strong and never give up on yourself. Above all, love yourself.
