Leave a Mark

Go ahead and leave a mark… not on my window or mirror, but on the world.

You are young. Go out and pursue your passions. I am talking to you young men and women who are still living with your parents at the age of 25. I am talking to you young boys playing video games all hours of the day and night rather than seeking job opportunities that will greatly improve your life. I’m talking to you late-night partiers, who nobody is sure where you get the money to buy your high. I’m talking to you! Yes, you! You just graduated from high school. Now what? Mom and dad or grandparents will not be around forever to take care of you. Maybe one day you will have kids of your own and you will have to learn to take care of them and pay for their clothing, food and other expenses. How will you do that without a job?

If your excuse is that there are NO job opportunities in your village, then GET OUT! Yes, there is a way! There are scholarships. There are internships. There are even loans to get your way paid to a place where you can apply for jobs. One day you will return and MAKE job opportunities for future generations.

Make use of your youthful mind and body. Don’t let them weaken without mileage. Use your mistakes as learning experiences rather than as a standard of living. If you go to jail for something, make sure it doesn’t happen again. Tell yourself you are better than that. Encourage others not to make the same mistakes.

You are middle-aged. Work hard and raise your children right. Set good examples for the youth in your community. Be the best version of yourself so your children will have big shoes to fill. Reflect on your younger years with smiles and no regrets. If you have not gotten things together yet, it is not too late. 

Love yourself. You may begin to fret over those white hairs or eye wrinkles that welcome themselves more and more each day, but remember they happen to the best of us. 

You may start to feel worn out after a long, hard day at work, but your body has not fully given up on you. Don’t give up on it. Fuel it up with good foods and exercise regularly.

You are an elder. Leave your knowledge with the younger generations. Times are changing. We will forget our heritage, if not for you. Teach us to cut fish, to take care of oogruk, to read the river's channel, to dance, and to subsist. Speak to your children and grandchildren with the native tongue that your parents spoke to you with. Teach us how life was back before electricity and the internet. Show us REAL survival. If you do this, we will pass on hard work and love for others, as well as ourselves. Teach us what really MATTERS.

Take that cruise that you could never afford or make time for in your younger years. Visit your bucket list and cross things off left and right. Don’t make excuses.  

  

No matter what your age, leave a mark! Life is too short to play video games all day. Life is too short to dwell on what could have been. Why waste time thinking about that when “what is to be” is happening right now? Life goes on, with or without you. Be remembered as someone who left a mark on everyone: someone who inspired, someone who stood up for higher education, someone who stood up for domestic violence, someone who took care of sick people, a foster parent, a shoulder to cry on, a revitalizer of traditional values, etc, etc, etc.

You may never realize your value to your community if you don’t go out and seek opportunity. Go out and leave your mark. Leave it high! Leave it low! Smear it for all to see! Perhaps, your mark may save a life or a whole community, for that matter. 

The Ugliness of the World

There is so much evil in this world today. I’m not saying that evil is a new thing. I’m just saying that now that I am older, I am able to empathize with what the rest of the world is going through. Coming from a small town in Alaska, we don’t see the ugliness that other countries do. We also don’t see as much crime as bigger cities in our state (Anchorage). The news gives us a glimpse, but the actual events of the world are too surreal.

We don’t fear for our lives and our children’s lives each and every day like the people in Syria and Africa. We don’t have to worry about our government attacking us with chemical weapons. Our children are safe.

In America, our fight is with drugs, murder, homelessness, disagreements between political parties, oil and suicide. People are killing one another over drugs. Why? People are taking their own lives while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Why? Is their life so horrible that they should selfishly take it from the ones they love? Why must we fight over oil and power? There are more important things in life… like loving one another.

I hurt for people living in countries where they are not free to be who they are. It is still unbelievable that there are places where people are beheaded for smoking a cigarette or killed for not covering their face. I ache for the starving people in North Korea and Africa. I pray for the countries that kill people just for being homosexual.

People in Sudan are being murdered, exterminated, raped, and tortured by their own government. In Uzbekistan, the president has been known for cruel torture techniques such as boiling political prisoners to death. Many Islamic states still practice lethal stoning and beheading in public. Can you imagine your child watching and growing up around this?

We complain about our educational system being subpar, yet millions of children across the globe are not even given the opportunity to go to school. We complain about having substandard healthcare when many people throughout the world die from having NO healthcare. We complain that we do not want to eat certain foods when people in other countries are starving to death. In North Korea, almost a million people die each year from starvation! 

Women, in many countries are suppressed. They cannot vote. They cannot wear clothes that they want. They must cover their faces. Some cannot drive cars. Women in the United States have it good. I can run for president of my native corporation or for POTUS… not that I want to, but I CAN!

In the United States, we are free. Men and women have the same rights. We can all vote. We can all work. We are all protected by the law and are not suppressed by the government. We have running water, electricity, heat, cars, technology, healthcare, and an inclusive educational system.

The things that I worry about are so trivial compared to what is going on in the world. While I worry about my outward appearance (weight gain, how my clothes fit, the length of my hair, etc), others worry about whether they will survive into the morning. When my water was down for two weeks, I complained that life was so hard. Many countries probably have never had running water. When the internet is slow, we start to freak out and don’t know what to do, when in countries like North Korea, they don’t even know that the internet exists.

Our people need a wake-up call. We need to be grateful for what we have and for the country we live in. We may not be perfect, but we fare better than the majority of the world.

With all the ugliness in the world, we need to focus on the beauty around us. We need to love one another. I look at my children and I see the beauty in life. When I go out in the country, I am reminded that God has created everything and has a plan for each and every one of us. This world is an ugly place, but we can make it beautiful by showing compassion towards one another. If you ever start thinking that your life is hard, remind yourself that someone, somewhere in this world wishes he/she were in your shoes instead.

Iditarod Fun!

With the Iditarod in full swing, all of us on the trail before Nome have been tracking the mushers and trying to figure out when the first mushers will arrive. Many of us secretly hope that somebody (anybody) besides Dallas Seavey or Mitch Seavey wins this year. I am personally rooting for Martin Buser and Aliy Zirkle: Martin because he has been one of the longest mushing racers and is so friendly and Aliy because she is a strong female role model for all women and has a dog named Amber! 

Cassidy greeted Martin Buser at the Unalakleet checkpoint

Every now and then I check the GPS tracker to see who is where and whether my racers are resting or running. I keep imagining the stories each musher must have from past Iditarod’s and this year’s race. This winter, there have been so many frigid cold days and I feel terrible for the mushers and their dogs who are in interior Alaska. At one point the temperatures in the interior were down to -30 degrees Fahrenheit. Can somebody say, “frost bite”? Ouch!

Several mushers are in Huslia taking their mandatory 24-hour layover. We expect that the leaders of the pack will be making their way into Unalakleet sometime Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Unfortunately my family and I will not be here when the first mushers arrive. We are heading into Anchorage tomorrow until Monday to do some shopping and possibly looking at snowmachines. But there will still be a bunch of racers coming through Monday, so we won’t miss the whole experience.

Everybody gets hyped up about Iditarod mushers coming into town. I mean, these people are amazing! Not everybody can do what they do. Mushing a dog team across thousands of miles of Alaskan terrain all alone and in terribly cold, windy weather does not sound appealing to me. So, I have a lot of respect for the mushers.

At this point in the race, it is hard to tell who will win the race. Many mushers have yet to take their 24-hour layover and some have not taken their 8-hour layover. Those that have taken their layovers, will still take short layovers on the trail before reaching Unalakleet, so it seems we will not get a clear picture of who will win, until after the mushers reach the coast.

Mitch is resting in Huslia. Dallas and Martin are making their way up to Huslia. Jessie Royer, who is also another likely contender is resting in Huslia. The race is getting to be exciting! Can’t wait to see who has what it takes to win. Go team Buser and team Aliy!

Insecurities

I am my own worst critic. Everyday, I look in the mirror and notice all of the imperfections (my nose, my teeth, my pores, my unruly hair, my white hairs, wrinkles, my stretch marks, etc). People tell me, “You’re so pretty!” and in the moment it makes me feel good, but not long after, I focus my attention again on my imperfections. I hyper-focus my attention on whether I gain a pound or two. Then I get bogged down and start feeling ugly.

I push myself to do things in life. I pushed myself through college. I pushed myself to get a good job. I try to remind myself that I have a purpose in life. What is it though? Why do I hate myself so? Why can’t I love myself for who I am? Why do I always compare myself to others? Is there something wrong with me?

Over the years I have worked to improve my appearance. I grew out my hair. I started using facial lotion to prevent new wrinkles from forming. I wear make-up so I don’t look as tired. I lost a bunch of weight. I bought myself new clothes. But this just masks the problem. Am I blind? What else can there be wrong with me? I want to believe I am beautiful, but society says to be beautiful you must have the perfect skin, teeth, and body. I am far from perfect.

Everyday I struggle with this anxiety and depression, yet nobody knows because I keep it to myself. I know I am not alone in this arena. I know other girls who feel the same way. I just wish there were an easy way to gain our confidence back. This depression gets in the way of my livelihood. I get snappy at others. I am not the best mother, wife, and friend because of my issues.

Is there a magical pill that will change our thoughts about ourselves? Can somebody please put a spell on me so I can see what others see? I just want to see my worth. I want to be my best person so I can make others happy. I do not want to be my own worst critic anymore. I know that God created me perfectly in his eyes. I just need these horrible thoughts that I am not good enough to just go away.

This is the most real blog I have ever written. For those of you who struggle with insecurities like I do, I pray that you are able to love yourself and find comfort in knowing that God made you perfectly in his eyes. We are all unique. We are not uniform. What we see as imperfections, God sees as his artwork.

Ode to Amazon!!!

If you live in bush Alaska, you can agree with me that Amazon.com is the biggest lifesaver since the invention of rifles. Living in bush Alaska comes with a high cost of living. Since there are no roads in or out of many villages in rural Alaska; gas and grocery prices are crazy expensive. Everything is flown in from bigger cities so prices are about double to triple normal prices.

You can expect to pay $50 for a box of Tide laundry detergent and $86 for a large box of diapers that normally go for $40 in the city. We order all of our tissue, diapers, laundry detergent, body wash, shampoo, juice, and other heavy items on Amazon with free Prime shipping. It saves us thousands of dollars each year.

The stock is limited at the two stores in town. You can find anything and EVERYTHING on Amazon. I even order my textbooks on Amazon. I also order baby clothes, car parts, birthday presents, and vitamins there as well. Just last week, I ordered an area rug for my living room for fairly cheap and it also came with free shipping.

The only things that we cannot get on Amazon are perishable foods like fruits, vegetables, and meat, but I am fine with that. I can go out and pick berries for free and freeze them for winter. As for meat, we are lucky to have caribou in our country to fill our freezers in the spring and fish in the summer. I can do without vegetables for the most part. Never been a fan of them anyways.

Needless to say, I love love love Amazon. I couldn’t imagine living in rural Alaska without it. I don’t know how previous generations survived without it. Whoever created Amazon is a genius and I will forever be grateful for their services!

Death in a Small Town

Today I began to list out all of the people who have passed away in my town this year. I began doing this because there have been two funerals this week already. I live in Unalakleet, Alaska, a town of about 700-750 people. Everybody knows everybody and everyone’s business. We wave to one another as we pass by on the streets. We all greet one another at the gym during basketball games and wrestling tournaments. We look out for each other’s children when they are playing out or running across the street without looking both ways.

I have lived here since I was 13-years-old, when my grandma pretty much adopted me after my parents divorced. I have seen many elders pass away and have babysat many of the new babies. I have witnessed, first-hand, the effects of climate change. I’ve noticed the winters becoming warmer, the snow piles becoming shorter, and the river ice going out earlier and earlier in the spring.

I have seen our culture dying out over the years and it saddens me. Just in this last year alone I have counted 23 people passing away. That is about 3% of our people! Many of the people who have passed away were elders, but there have also been young people in the mix.

There have been two suicides: one teenage boy and one young man in his late twenties. Just recently one of our young men was run over in Florida. Another man in his 30’s was shot to death when he attacked another man in his house with a knife. One man died while driving between villages in the middle of winter. I’m not sure of the details, but alcohol was involved and most likely he froze to death. Unhealthy living habits also took lives: diabetes, lung cancer, liver disease, etc.

Last winter a well-loved and respected elderly lady suffering from Alzheimer’s disease walked out of the village in a winter blizzard and went missing for months. A search and rescue team of more than 120 volunteers did a shoulder to shoulder sweep of town to no avail. Even in less-than-optimal weather conditions: wind gusts of 40 mph, volunteers swept the town, digging up snow hills, looking in sheds, porches and unused vehicles. Facebook posts were shared. Phone calls were made. Prayers were said. Day-in-day-out. Search and rescue dogs were flown in to sniff out the entire town as well as the surroundings of town. We all feared that she may have gotten lost and began walking up the river and fell through the ice. It wasn’t until the springtime that bird hunters came across her body on the tundra just north of the village.

Each person who passed had his or her own deep connection to the village. Some were parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, commercial fishermen, sock knitters, joke tellers, a place for others to go when they had nowhere else to go, a best friend, a water-hauler, a school cook, a friendly smile, a road grader, etc.

With each passing elder more and more traditions have been stolen from us. When my classmate took his life, many of us were left with questions. We had not realized that he suffered from depression. The accidents that took a few lives had us gasping for breath. Young children have been left without a mother or father.

In recent years death has been coming in threes. Everyone in town will tell you so. When news unfolds that a person has passed away after a long period of no deaths, people fear to hear about the next two people who will pass. It may be someone you have just seen at the post office. It may be your grandma who you thought was too stubborn to let go. It may be your classmate who secretly struggled with alcoholism and had nowhere to turn for help.

Many people tend to say, “He lived a long life” or “At least she is no longer suffering.” It’s so easy to say or agree with these, yet so hard to let go. It becomes harder to collect stories from suffering elders: whether it is due to them being hard of hearing, their memory loss, or other ailments. Many of us fear to ask questions because we don’t want to be a burden on them.

In some cases, death is so sudden and unexpected that we don’t get the chance to say, “I love you” or “good-bye”. We don’t realize that our last conversation would be at A.C. the day before the life-stealing heart attack. We never realize that our words can change a person’s mind about living. We don’t realize that sometimes all it takes is a smile or a “hello. How are you doing?”

In some cases the pain is not felt right away when a person passes. Sometimes the pain does not come for years. I was only five-years-old when my maternal grandpa passed away. I didn’t know he was gone forever. Now that I am an adult I find myself wondering if I would be more self-confident with a strong male role model in my life. I find myself wanting my great-aunt Alice to be at her house when I need advice. I want to go visit my great-grandma, Anna, and ask her about her childhood. I want to see her hanging strips in her smoke house and driving her four-wheeler through town again.

In small towns, deaths are felt by all. In small towns one person’s life IS a huge deal. In small towns, when people begin dying in the double digits in one year, you begin to worry. You begin to think the end is coming. With deaths coming left and right your hopes sink through the crawl space.

Our only hope now is to embrace those closest to us and to talk to our elders while they are still around. Our only hope is to continue the traditions passed onto us. Our only hope is to build one another up with compassion.

Life is far too short, but we make of it what we can.

The Day I Became a Mom

I remember this morning 10 years ago. It was about 6 am and I had been having horrendous lower back pain… pain that I have never experienced before. It began at about 3 am, but I waited until 6 to get up and do anything about it. I tossed and turned for three hours before waking up my friend, Crystal, who had been fast asleep on the couch. She came into Anchorage from Elim to help out with the baby when he was born.

I told her, “I think it’s time!” She jumped right up off the couch and started scrambling around to get ready. We got ready and went straight to ANMC. I called up my other friend, Megan, and asked her to meet us at the hospital. Little did I know, it wasn’t really time. I was only dilated to 2 centimeters. I would be at the hospital ALL day! 

Keane was born at 3:54 PM on November 14, 2006 weighing 7 lbs 8 oz.

At the time, I was a single, young pregnant woman trying to go to college. I was only 20 years old. I had no idea what I was in for. An older native couple offered to adopt my son when he was born. Because I did not know them, I kindly turned down their offer. My older sister also offered to adopt him because she knew that I was young and wanted to get my college degree. I also turned down her offer.

I carried my child in my belly for 9 whole months. I had his whole name (Keane Wyatt Carter Ray Wilson) picked out since I was three months pregnant. I was attached, to say the least. I didn’t have a plan, but I couldn’t give him up. I was not married. I did not have a college degree, but I had an amazing support group.

At the hospital, I was encouraged to walk around to help dilate my cervix. It was hard. Every few steps I had to stop and grab ahold the rail along the hallway wall. Megan and Crystal walked right along side of me. If I remember right I tried out the Jacuzzi tub in my room. It gave me some relief, but the pain was more unbearable than I could handle. The nurses gave me Nubain through an IV to help with the pain. It was not enough so I gave in and requested an epidural.

We waited for so long for the anesthetist to arrive. He did not give me the epidural until I was dilated to about 8 cm. I wish I could have waited just 2 more centimeters to avoid the epidural, but at the time I was a big wuss. After I got the epidural I remember freaking out because I could not move my legs. I honestly thought that I was paralyzed. At times I got so uncomfortable lying on my back so I had Crystal and Megan move my legs for me.

Eventually, the epidural began wearing off. It was really time. I had been having contractions all day long. It wasn’t until 3:54 pm that Keane made his debut into the world. Today we celebrate him turning 10-years-old. It seems crazy how fast those 10 years went by because I can remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. He is my first-born child. Because of him, I earned my title of “Mom”. My life changed drastically, but for the better and I would not have it any other way.

Free-spirited and full of energy now at 10-years young!

MOM!! There's a... white animal in the living room!!!!

Last week as we were getting ready for bed: Keane was brushing his teeth in the living room while watching cartoons and I was putting Cassidy down in our bedroom, when he comes running into my room to tell me something. “Mom! There’s a…. there’s a a a (really trying to think of the name) white animal in the living room!”

At first I brush it off, thinking that he is just pulling my leg. So I tell him, “No there isn’t. Stop lying. You are just tired. Now go to bed!” He’s like, “No really!!! It’s out there! It’s by the steps!”

Now I am really bugged, but can’t imagine sleeping if there really were a white animal in my house so I follow him out into the living room and we do a search. First we check by the stairs… Nothing. Then we look down the stairs… still nothing. Then we search the kitchen… nothing. We go into Keane’s bedroom. I tell Keane, “Look under your bed.” I told him to look because I sure as heck wasn’t going to! I could just imagine lifting the blanket and sticking my head to the floor and something jumping out at me. He looks at me like I’m crazy. “No! You look!”

Neither of us look because we are both too scared. Instead we start walking out of the room and Keane yells “Right there!” and points to the kitchen.

This prompted Reuben to come out of the bedroom to see what was going on. He goes into the living room as I stand in the hallway looking on. Cassidy comes out into the kitchen to see all the commotion. Reuben shakes the couch and sure enough, Keane was not lying!!! A little white animal runs from under the couch and down the stairs! 

I start shrieking at the sight of the little white ERMINE as I run into Keane’s bedroom and jump onto his top bunk. I didn’t even think to grab Cassidy. It was a “Save yourself” moment. Poor baby girl didn’t know what was going on. Anyways, right after seeing the ermine we packed up clothes and went and spent the night at my in-laws.

I still don’t know how the “little white animal” got in, but we haven’t seen it since. We have a trap set up in the crawl space. Maybe it ran away and was too scared to come back after hearing me shriek bloody murder! :P

This is bush living. Some people have pet dogs. Apparently we have a pet ermine.

ChAnGe!!!

It’s so funny how people change. As a kid, you might be happy-go-lucky and not have a care in the world. Then you grow up and you are stressed and worry about everything: bills, kids, school, Presidential elections, car troubles, bad weather, gray hairs, fitting in with the crowd, global warming, and everything under the sun.

I’ve seen so much change in myself over the years that it’s hard to recognize myself. I remember as a teenager hating watching football. I just didn’t get it. I would rather watch the Disney channel. Over the years, I began to understand how football worked (scoring, etc) and became a Seahawks fan, started doing fantasy football, and watching every football game on tv on Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays.

I also used to hate school. I thought I would never go to college. I thought it was a waste of time. Then I went to Mount Edgecumbe High School and my whole perspective on education changed. 11 years later, I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Education. I couldn’t be more supportive of higher education. I plan on sending all of my children to Mount Edgecumbe and expect them all to get college degrees as well.

I remember enjoying chilly fall and winter evenings: walking around town with my cousin Tami or friends Venessa, Alice, and Alicia. Now I pretty much hibernate once fall comes. My body cannot stand the cold anymore. I get out once and awhile to go ice fishing or for a snowmachine ride, but I prefer to stay warm at home watching football or baking.

I remember thinking that my life would end if change occurred. I thought I was going to marry my first boyfriend. When that relationship ended, I thought my life was over. How naïve was I? My life just started after that ended. I had three beautiful children, went to college, got a nice job, travel when I want, where I want.

Entertainment has changed. Kids used to love playing outdoors all day everyday. Now all they want to do is sit at home playing their PS4’s and Nintendo DS’s. We used to build snowmen and snow caves and rake huge piles of leaves in the fall just to jump into them. We used to gather the chairs from the kitchen to make tents. We used to jump off our balcony of our second story apartment building onto a huge snow pile that was plowed the day before. Now we have to beg our kids to play out.

City life has changed. Kids in cities like Anchorage are no longer able to play out alone in their neighborhoods without fear that they may be kidnapped or killed because the crime rates have gone sky high. There are so many shootings and mass murders in the United States nowadays. I don't remember it being this way. People have lost their sense of humanity. It’s as if people forgot how to be human. Sometimes change is not for the better.

However, sometimes change IS for the better.  I’ve learned that I don’t have to pretend to be someone else to be liked by others. Why waste time on those that don’t accept you for who you are? I’m still learning to not sweat the small stuff. Life is so much bigger than you think. The world will not end if you fail one class. It will go on if you go through a major breakup. It will go on if you lose a loved one. It will go on if you get a bad hair cut or if you gain a lb or two. It will go on no matter what you go through.

Change helps you to become a better person. It helps you to open your eyes and see the world around you. It helps you to understand your purpose in life. Don’t fear change because everyone changes. Opinions change. Styles change. People change.

Dreams

As a teenager I had big dreams… dreams to travel the world, to get married, have kids, and have a good stable job. I knew from the get-go that I would provide for my family. I would be a good role model for the younger generations. If I went to college I was sure more youth would follow in my footprints.

Coming from a poor family has made me have to work harder to obtain my dreams. I had to rely on public assistance at times when I was attending UAA and had my two older kids. I was literally living off of scholarships and food stamps at the time. I remember taking the public bus everywhere since I didn’t have the money to buy a car---not even a used car. In the winter, it was so cold waiting for at least half an hour with two babies under two-years-old. One of them was sure to be crying in the stroller while we waited and waited for delayed buses.

Eventually I was able to save up for a used car off of Craigslist and life was easier. I saved time by not waiting on public transportation and was able to drop my kids off at a babysitter’s rather than bringing them to campus and letting them wait in the hallway with my ex until my class got out.

Now I look at myself and ask “Am I where I planned to be years ago?” Sometimes I think things could be better, but for the most part I have achieved my goals. I received two college degrees, have a good paying job with benefits, have a healthy family, and have a roof over my head. I still want to travel the world, but that can wait for a few years. I’m still fairly young.

Having dreams is important because it gives you a drive for life. If gives you hope for your future. I’m a dreamer. Always will be. Period.

Silver Slaying and the most beautiful Silver Ever Caught!!!!

This summer has been full of amazing fishing! The silvers have hit and we are forever grateful that they are filling up our freezer. Here is the biggest most beautiful silver I have caught in my life. I just caught this one last night below Bob Foote's cabin!

 

This fish was so beautiful that I wanted to mount it, but gotta feed the family! :)

There is nothing more calming than going upriver and throwing a line in the water. I love the smell of fresh fish and the feeling of a tug at the end of my line.

These silvers were caught up at Sauyak earlier this month. Keane loved it! 

My Bucket List

After much thought, here is what I have come up with so far. I think most of these are attainable. :)

•  Travel to far away places (Europe, Australia, Caribbeans, and somewhere in Asia)
• See my children succeed in life
•   Obtain a doctorate degree
•  Find my reason for living.
•   Inspire others to strive for excellence.
•   Meet a famous country singer.
•   Love myself for who I am.
• Laugh more. 
•  Shoot a bird. (Goose, swan, or duck)
• Shoot a beaver.
•   Learn the channel of the river past Jimmy Cragle’s cabin.
•  Have beautiful children. (already did!)
• Write a book.
•  Publish my autism research.
• Present my research to the public.

Summer Came and Went

It seems like June and July just zoomed on by. This year we were blessed with an over-abundance of blueberries. They were everywhere. My family and I picked seven gallons of blueberries just in the month of July. Unfortunately there were hardly any salmonberries-AGAIN!!! I'm just grateful to have my blueberries to bake with and eat with canned milk and sugar.

My baby girl, Cassidy, sure loves berries. I took her out berrypicking this summer not sure if she would get restless or enjoy the tundra. Turns out she loved the tundra. She was picking blueberries and filling her mouth. It was so cute how she would pick one blueberry at a time with her tiny little fingers.

My professional baby berrypicker!

This year was also a good year for humpies (pink salmon). I believe ADF&G counted over 3 million humpies in our rivers this summer! One day, my husband, son, and I went out rod and reeling at Egavik and the humpies were just boiling. We were catching every single cast! We ended up bringing 28 humpies home. I told my husband and son that we caught enough. They would have kept fishing if I didn't tell them to stop. Fish cutting is a lot of work. If my mother-in-law didn't take the fish I would be cutting for hours.

Another exciting thing that happened this summer was my two brothers and dad came up for a visit. Well, my brother Wayne Jr. came up, found a full-time job and ended up moving here. My brother James came up for a two-week visit. We have had so much fun going for boat rides upriver and fishing with him. My dad came up on the 4th of July and started working at the cannery. Work was slow for him most of the summer since there were so many humpies that were brought to a processor called the Akutan. Then the village had to go on water conservation mode. I believe we are on week 2 or 3 of water conservation. They needed a part to fix the water line. My dad was lucky to get more than 1 1/2 hours of work a day.

Oh yeah! Zac Brown came up a couple weeks ago! He was the talk of the town. Apparently he came up and stayed at Grishkowsky's upriver and did some fishing with his family. The day I heard he was in town, I told my husband that we should go fishing and try to find him. So we went upriver, but we didn't get to meet him. We did see him in a boat passing the other way as we drove up, but that was the extent of that. It's always exciting when someone famous comes to Unalakleet, since we are so small-town. :)

In no time, summer was over! :( I started back at work two days ago. I thought I would have all my silvers put away before work started, but the silver run was late and they are still slow to get into the river. A few people have been able to find the good fishing holes, but not my family. I think we put away 10 silvers at the most. Last year we were able to put away 10 silvers in one day. So, I guess I will have to save fishing for the weekends. Next year we plan on buying a subsistence net so we will be able to get more fish in a shorter amount of time.

The Real Cost of Breastfeeding!!!

After having my daughter, I made the decision to breastfeed. Initially, I thought I would breastfeed because it would save money on baby formula. Over time, I knew breastfeeding would keep my baby healthy. She definitely is a healthy, happy baby, weighing in at or above the 97^th percentile. She also doesn’t get sick as often as her brothers and they were formula fed. Formula is so expensive, especially in the village. I was browsing the baby food aisle at our local AC store and noticed that the price for one small baby formula was $25 plus tax. One can of formula lasts about a week so you would have to buy 4-5 cans a month. That’s $100-$125 a month. So for one year, you can look to spend about $1,250-$1,500 on formula.

Breastfeeding takes a lot of time and energy. If your baby doesn’t latch on, like mine then you have to get used to the breast pump. You have to try out different breast pumps to see which one is most effective. With my insurance I got the Medela double electric pump for only $40 (only had to pay 10% out of pocket). I can’t believe how expensive those machines can be. If I didn’t have insurance I wouldn’t waste my money on an electric pump. I hardly used mine because there were so many parts and it was so loud. It just seemed like more work than the manual pump.

The hospital gave me a Medela manual breast pump and I used that for the first few months. It was terribly slow and I ended up getting mastitis twice: once in October on our trip to Seattle and once in December on our trip to Honolulu. I was terrified because I didn’t know which hospitals would accept my insurance and I didn’t know where to go. I’m so small-town; so used to having the local clinic be minutes away. On both trips I had to Google healthcare centers and see if they accepted my insurance. I was literally in tears while searching online for a place to get treated. I had a high fever, chills, no energy, a killer headache, and cracked, bleeding nipples. I did not want to take time to search for a hospital. I had a serious case of culture shock during these illnesses.

My insurance ended up covering the cost of treatment in Seattle, but not in Honolulu. I ended up paying $250 out of pocket to get seen at this questionable clinic that was located in an old building on the second floor in what seemed like an apartment. When I saw the place I wanted to run the other way, but I just couldn’t. I had walked 20 minutes to get there and I had no energy and was in so much pain. I could not fathom trying to find another place. Well, I ended up getting a shot in my hip and had to call a cab to get to the nearest pharmacy to pick up oral antibiotics. It hurt to walk so having to wait in line for 20 minutes was not on my top things to do that day. Mastitis is one of the worst things I’ve experienced pain-wise, besides child birth, so suffice to say our trips were less than exciting. Each time I got sick we spent a day indoors waiting for my antibiotics to kick in.

When my manual breast pump broke, I cried. I thought, “Oh my gosh! My life is over. I’m going to get mastitis again and my milk supply is going to tank.” I was texting friends and acquaintances to see if they had an extra manual pump I could buy. I couldn’t do the electric pump. I just can’t imagine carrying that big clunker to work everyday and sitting in the shared public bathroom pumping with a loud machine so I had to get another manual pump. My friends didn’t have anything. I began searching my electric pump bags and I lucked out. My electric pump came with a manual pump. This manual pump ended up being far more efficient than my Medela breast pump. I could pump milk in 20 minutes rather than 30! It was a life-send!

Breastfeeding has been quite the journey. I lost sleep. I got sick. I spent quite a bit of money on supplies and medical treatment. I spent about 3 hours daily, pumping breast milk for my baby. Initially, I chose to breastfeed for the wrong reason, but my decision ended up being much more than I expected. When I got mastitis the second time, my husband told me I should just quite breastfeeding. He didn’t like seeing me in so much pain. I told him that if I got mastitis one more time I would quit. It has been four months since and I haven’t gotten it again. I plan on expressing breast milk for 4 more months. I can’t tell you how excited I am to get my body, time, and sleep back.

Here’s an approximate cost of what I spent on breastfeeding for 8 months:

Electric breast pumps-2 ($200)

Manual breast pumps-3 ($90-$120)

Milk Storage bags ($50)

Mastitis-2X ($250)

Lansinoh ($30)

Breast pads ($60)

Nursing Bras ($200)

Time- 3 hours a day

Lack of sleep (waking up at 2:30 am and 6 am to pump)

Cracked, sore, bleeding nipples

Change in diet (baby allergies-no dairy, blueberries, nuts)

No medications

An Unjust Justice System in Rural Alaska!!!

It was the summer of 2012. My husband and father-in-law were out of town doing a construction project in Stebbins. Well, I bumped into my mother-in-law at the post office and she looked a little distressed so I went up to say hi to her. When I did she whispered to me that she was robbed. I couldn’t believe it. Someone had gone into her house in the middle of the night and stole $500 from her purse.

I told her that I would spend the night at her house so that she might be able to sleep a little more comfortably. Anyways, that night I slept in the upstairs bedroom next to the kitchen. I laid there in bed, tossing and turning all night trying to listen for footsteps or any sign that someone was coming in. I heard nothing, but low and behold, at about 3 am someone came into my room in the dark. 

I thought it might be my mother-in-law checking in on me. Initially, I thought nothing of it until the person came in a second time and then a third time. I thought to myself, “So weird. Why is Annabelle coming into my room? Does she think I stole the money from her?”
My heart began thumping so hard and fast that I could hear it. Whoever was coming into my room took my jeans that were hanging on the chair and then brought them back in. The pockets had nothing in them. I don’t usually carry cash. Then the person took my jacket that was hanging on the chair and brought it back after a minute of searching through my pockets. All I had in my jacket pockets were my debit and credit cards and ID’s.

Finally, the person came into my room again, but began walking towards the nightstand next to my bed. I don’t know if he/she knew I was sleeping in the room or not. Once they got next to my bed, I opened my eyes and realized it wasn’t my mother-in-law. I could only make out the shape of a male in a dark hoodie. I sat up quickly and shouted, “Hey!!! What are you doing in here?” He was startled and began running out of the bedroom. I ran after him and tried to grab at him, but only caught the shoulder of his hoodie. He reached back to try to loosen my grip, but did not turn around so I could see his face.

It all happened so quickly. His sweater slipped out of my grip and he continued running through the kitchen and out onto the deck. He skipped the steps and jumped right off the deck. It was dark out so I couldn't figure out who he was. His dark hoodie disappeared into dark as he ran past a neighbor's house. I was so disappointed that I let him go. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted justice for my mother-in-law.

After I realized that he was long gone, I walked back in and saw my mother-in-law staring at me in the kitchen. She must have heard me yelling from downstairs. I told her what happened and how the burglar got away. We lucked out because the burglar made a mistake. When he came into the house, he took off his shoes and placed his cap on the table. Well, when I ran him out of the house, he didn’t get the chance to grab either of them. The cap was blue and had a large letter “B” on it. I knew whose cap it was.

We called the police and the next day the guy was arrested. It turns out that he had stolen $3,000 from the mayor’s house in prior weeks, but they didn’t have any evidence against him. So, the mayor was happy that I had caught him in the act and he was being arrested for his bad deeds.

For weeks on end I was paranoid about going to sleep at night because I kept imagining a man coming into my room at night. I kept mace on the nightstand next to my bed. Any little noise I heard, even the wind or furnace, would startle me. Only when I knew he was in jail could I again sleep at night.                       

I kept looking at Alaska Court Records online to make sure he would be charged for what he did. He was supposed to be charged with three counts of Burglary 1 (Class B felony), Theft 2 (Class C Felony), three counts of Theft 3 (Class A Misdemeanor), and Assault in the 4^th degree. I was so happy because I thought he would be put away for years and years. 

Weeks and months passed. I kept checking the Court Records. In September of 2012, I was disappointed to find that the prosecution had dismissed all of his felony charges. All he got charged with were 2 misdemeanors and he was set free. I couldn’t believe it. They said the reason for dismissing the felonies was because it was his first offense. How could it be his first offense when there were three separate occasions where he went into houses and stole items? How is the justice system just: just letting this miscreant go with a slap to his wrist? How is he going to learn his lesson?

One good thing about the whole incident is that this guy never came back to Unalakleet: I must have scared him out of town. I also got a reputation of someone not to mess with. :P When the incident happened, I was in the moment. I didn’t even stop to think about whether the burglar had weapons on him. He could have had a knife or gun. I just jumped up and went after him like a cat out of a bag. Through it all, I learned that I can protect myself. He may have got a slap to the wrist, but if he ever comes back and tries to break into my mother-in-law’s house again, I will get him and I will lay the smack down. Nobody messes with my family and gets away with it.